Myths about adoption

Planning your child’s future is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. Whether you choose to parent or make an adoption plan, you will want to make an informed decision. Recognizing adoption myths and replacing them with correct information will help you to determine what is best for you and you child.

MYTH: If I loved my child, I would never consider adoption.

If you consider adoption, you may think that you are uncaring or selfish, or that you don’t love your child. Maybe you’re afraid that other people will judge you. We know that mothers who have explored all of their options and have chosen to make adoption plans have the courage to put their children’s needs first and to consider what is best. Your pregnancy counselor can arrange for you to speak with birthparents who have already made adoption plans and have faced the same questions you may be having. These women gave their children life and then placed them into families who could provide the stability and security that the mothers realized they weren’t ready to provide.

MYTH: No one could love my child like I can.

Adoptive parents can love their children as much and as selflessly as biological parents. Good parenting is a matter of unconditional love and acceptance, and consistent nurturing and caring that puts the needs of the child first. Adoptive parents love their children as much as if they had given birth to them. Because you can choose and meet the adoptive family for your child, you can see firsthand how much they love your child.

MYTH: People will think that I’m not taking responsibility for my actions.

You may think that choosing to parent is the responsible thing to do or the consequence of your unplanned pregnancy. But responsible behavior can be gathering information and exploring options. If you’re not sure that you are ready to parent, finding out what your options are and considering an adoption plan is a way of being responsible. By making plans for yourself and your child’s future, with the best information that is available, you are thinking about what your child needs, and being a responsible parent.

MYTH: People think I should just move on and forget about my child.

If you make an adoption plan, you will not forget your child and you wouldn’t want to. Your experience with your child becomes a part of who you are, whether you have an open adoption or not. Most birthparents want to not only remember their children and the time they had together but want to know that their children are growing and thriving. Today’s open adoption options give parents peace of mind.

MYTH: I’ll never get over the pain of choosing adoption.

You may be frightened by the prospect of the intense sadness that comes with choosing adoption for a child. The loss and grief cannot be denied. The reality is that adoption is full of both loss and possibility. Still, some expectant mothers are so afraid of the pain that they would abort their children rather than continue their pregnancies and make an adoption plan for the child. For other birthmothers, knowing that they gave their child life and a future makes adoption a loss they can cope with and a grief that they are willing to work through. They know they will never forget their children but that, with time and knowing that their children are growing and thriving, their hearts will heal.

MYTH: I will never know how my child is or that I made a good decision.

You may be thinking that if you choose adoption you’ll never know how your child is or that you made the best decision you could at that time in your life. Today’s adoption encompasses a range of openness options so that you and the family you select can build the type of relationship that you want. You may want a fully open adoption plan where you visit your child and the adoptive family or an adoption plan where you receive updates through the exchange of photos, e-mails, and letters. You have many options that your pregnancy counselor can explain to you.